Breaking Point

I heard the news months ago. 
It all sank in today. 
I’m numb.

They promised.
I learned promises always break. 
I’m breaking, but I’m not gonna cry. 

He cried. She smiled. 
He cried. She smiled. 
I smile, but I’m not gonna cry. 

Stupid tears start to build. 
Lip quivers. Blink. BlinkBlink.
Almost, but I’m not gonna cry.

I am suffering an emotional overload.
Happy, laughter. Sad, bitter. Quiet, Hurt.
I might yell or scream.

It would be such a release. 
A shot, a cigarette. 
I’ll use these vices, but I’m not gonna cry.

Memories, good and bad flood my mind. 
They prick my heart, good and bad, until,
I want to, but I’m not gonna cry. 

 She never did. He never did. 
“Don’t waste your tears” 
Hypocrite. But I’m not gonna cry. 

I could pack a bag and go. 
Change my name and story. 
I could run away, but I’m not gonna cry. 

In the rain in Vancouver; In the ocean in L.A. 
The showers in hostels across Spain.
When no one can see me, then maybe I’ll cry. 

 

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